I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
