I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
