Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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