Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
