he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
