we're blogging at a bar
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
