He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
