Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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