On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
