Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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