He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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