Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
