You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
