she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
