We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How's work?
Spinning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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