Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
