she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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