I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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