I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
