Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
