So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
false alarm, still single
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