So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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