yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
