yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
