he wants to bone in the snuggie
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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