I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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