Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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