Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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