apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
