I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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