Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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