ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
