why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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