If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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