On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
