Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize