k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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