I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
