She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize