It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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