he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
