Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
