**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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