Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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