You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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