i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
