I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
