I wannas sexs uuuuu
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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