I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize