It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
