we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
