So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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