speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
