So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
