We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
