his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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