i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
