how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
