I faked an abortion last night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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