u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
