His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
