I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
