Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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