just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
