Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize