oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
