so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
