I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
