she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
These tits shall not be calmed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
