I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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